Humor Writing
Please enjoy a curated selection of my humor writing…
The New Yorker
A Thirty-Year-Old Man Today vs. a Thirty-Year-Old Man in 1884
What I Imagine Every European Will Say to Me, an American, When I Explore Europe
I Want My Wife to Be My Partner, My Lover, My Therapist, My Blacksmith, and My Best Friend
How to Simplify Your Life with the 80-20-17-30-5-1-17-0.29-0-6-66 Rule
I Thought I Would Have Accomplished a Lot More Today and Also by the Time I Was Thirty-Five
Winners Wake Up Early: Every Article I’ve Written About My Morning Routine
Our Coffee Shop Is Now Also a Chocolate Boutique, a B.D.S.M. Dungeon, and a Tiger Sanctuary
McSweeney’s
Here At Our Crazy Furniture Warehouse, Everything Must Go! Especially You, Ted!
I Will Teach You to Master Zen Meditation With These Zero Weird Tricks
Our Open-Plan Office Failed, So We’re Moving to a Towering Panopticon
Austin Monthly
QUIZ: Are You Ready for Austin’s Next Inevitable Power Outage?
6 Things to Look Forward to When Austin is the Most Expensive City in the Country
Points In Case
Every Situation in Which I Would Literally Say, "You Snooze, You Lose"
Think You Got What It Takes to Join Our Gang, the Crabapple Boys?!
I Am Henry Heimlich’s Arch-Rival, and I Also Invented a Very Cool Maneuver
Slackjaw